100 Most Entertaining Survivors #91: Christy Smith

Christy Smith got 6th place on season 6 (Survivor: Amazon).

This will be one of the shortest entries because Christy never did any one thing that was especially entertaining, but she was overall an entertaining and inspiring character.

For those of you who don’t remember this is Christy Smith. She was the first handicapped person to ever be on Survivor (unless of course you count Jenna and Heidi from this season).

Christy was entertaining because of her inspirational value. Being deaf seems like it would be a huge handicap on Survivor because when it is dark you aren’t able to turn on a light or go inside. Luckily, one of the tribes were able to light a lantern so she could read their lips. While this may be helpful, you can’t equate it to being able to hear. Christy, however, was able to overcome this. She ended up getting sixth place on Survivor: Amazon, which is still the furthest that any handicapped person has ever made it on Survivor. (Chad and Kelly B (both of which had a prosthetic leg) got 8th and 15th respectively.)

Christy also received notoriety for her open hatred of Jenna Morasca who ended up winning Survivor: Amazon. This hatred wasn’t entirely unwarranted, as Jenna acted like a whiny bitch for 39 days. For example, at one point Jenna mentioned that she also had a handicap in the game of Survivor– her beauty. While this may not be completely untrue, it seems a bit insensitive when there is a deaf girl sitting next to you. There was also an incident during the Survivor auction where Christy won the right to letters from her family. Jenna threw a fit until Jeff Probst got annoyed enough to offer Jenna her letters as well (for the same price). This seems nice, but at some point you just want to tell Jenna to shut up and let the poor girl have her moment.

How did Christy cap this hateful relationship off at the end of the game? She voted for Jenna to win the million dollars. (Some people say that she didn’t understand the rules and she thought she was voting Jenna off as opposed to voting for a winner. However, in one interview she confessed that she did indeed intend to vote for Jenna).

Christy was asked to be on season 16: Fans vs. Favorites. However she declined because she is working on a tv show.

Like I said, this may be the shortest entry on the top 100. Christy didn’t do many things, but the story of someone who was able to overcome a disability and live for 33 days with people who can hear perfectly well.

Thanks very much for reading and please comment!

Jeff

PS: Number 90 on the list is the first person who is on the list more than once. This entry is for their third attempt on Survivor.

100 Most Entertaining Survivors #92: Paschal English

Paschal English received 4th place in Survivor: Marquesas.

For those of you who don’t know, Paschal was recently caught having an affair with his District Attorney (he was a judge). For this entry, we are going to forget that entry and pretend it never happened. This is mainly due to the fact that it makes his cute relationship with Neleh incredibly creepy and odd.

For those of you who don’t remember, this is Paschal English. He is a judge from Georgia. He quickly developed a friendship with fellow castaway, Neleh Dennis, whom he called Sweet Pea. Their friendship lasted nearly the entire game, until day 37. On day 37, Paschal was put out of the game by one of the most controversial rules in the entire game: the Purple Rock. But we will get there, just wait.

Paschal was immediately seen as one of the nicest people to play the game. As I mentioned, he quickly developed a friendship with Neleh on the Rotu tribe. They were fairly benign at the beginning of the game.  There is one story at the beginning of the game that involves Paschal. We all remember in Marquesas when Kathy peed on John Carroll’s hand in order to alleviate the pain of a sting. Well at the reunion, we all find out some interesting information about Paschal: He is a bit gun shy. Turns out that Paschal tried to pee on John’s hand but couldn’t produce. We are all happy to know that he got over this shyness eventually, just ask the District Attorney (Ok, I know I promised not to mention it, but that one was just too easy.)

One of the most entertaining things about Paschal was that he was one of the people who gave Survivor its first ever power shift. When we watched seasons 1-3, we all saw 3 Pagongings in a row (with a small exception in Africa). After the immunity challenge in episode 8, Paschal and Neleh realized that they were on the bottom of their alliance. This is because the challenge was one of those “cut the other person’s rope thrice” challenges. Well John, Zoe, Tammy, and Rob were too stupid to realize that this would reveal their entire tribe pecking order and decided to get Paschal and Neleh out right after Sean and Vecepia. It would seem that not five minutes after, Paschal and Neleh were in an alliance with Sean, Vecepia, and Kathy. They immediately took out the other four. This was a huge moment in Survivor history. Like I mentioned, this was the first time that anyone ever staged a coup against their existing alliance. (Lex did get Kelly out, but then went back to his old alliance, so I don’t count that.) I also think that it is this move that saved Survivor. After three seasons of the pecking order being incredibly easy to guess by episode 7, people needed to realize that there was such a thing as a power shift. It was exhilarating to watch for the first time, because it also gave a great underdog story. Sean and Vecepia went from positions 8 and 9, to a possibility at being in the final 2 together. Without this move, I don’t know that Survivor would have been able to survive until season 6, which is when the next big power shift happened. Thank your lucky stars that Paschal English was there to save the show.

While Paschal probably saved the show in that regard, he (actually the producers through him) almost ended it as well. I wasn’t active on message boards or anything at this time but I can only imagine the ire that ensued when Paschal pulled the dreaded purple rock.

This was the single most controversial elimination in the history of Survivor, but let’s get some background.

Paschal has just basically allowed Survivor to stay on the air. He has never gotten a single vote in the entire game, and here we are on day 37 at tribal council. There are four people left in the game: Paschal, Neleh, Kathy, and Vecepia, who has immunity. The vote is deadlocked: 2 votes for Kathy (Paschal and Neleh) and 2 votes for Neleh (Kathy and Vecepia). Neither side will budge. Jeff Probst gives them a choice: “decide between yourselves who will go home, or the three of you without immunity will pull rocks, whoever gets the purple rock will go home.” not wanting to go home themselves, they couldn’t come to a decision. They decide to pull rocks.

This leads us to the moment that I will forever hate. I love Paschal, but for some reason he was fated to be royally screwed in the butt by the Survivor producers. He pulls his rock, and jokingly claims “Oh Jeff it feels purple”. This jovial old man who has made it to day 37 without ONE SINGLE VOTE AGAINST HIM pulls the purple rock.

Well Paschal, joke’s over. You had probably the best chance of anyone to win the game (except maybe Kathy) and you blew it because the two girls pulled yellow.

I know that this doesn’t seem as if it would be entertaining for Paschal, but I feel as if Paschal is the reason that this moment is entertaining. While it was controversial and it makes me mad, I do still enjoy watching that moment because it was such a tide-turner. Yes, the rules have changed. Yes, it is for the better. But we can all remember Paschal as the only person to ever have to pull a purple rock. And for that reason, he is number 92 on this list.

Thanks to everyone for reading, please comment below if you want, I do love reading your comments. Also, check back later this week as I intend to put up 2-3 posts per week from now on. This is the first one for this week, I hope you all enjoyed.

Thanks for reading,

Jeff

Clue to #91: This person had a bit of trouble relating to their tribemates on a very fundamental level.

100 Most Entertaining Survivors #93: Boo Bernis

Kenward “Boo” Bernis got 5th place in Survivor Fiji.

I have “boo” on my list for one main reason: He always found a way to hurt himself. It didn’t matter what he was doing, Boo was in pain.

For those of you who don’t remember, this is Boo. He was on Survivor Fiji, and was slated to leave the island right after the merge. However, due to some luck for him and bad luck for the viewing audience (we lost Michelle) the twist at the final 10 saved him. While Michelle was entertaining, I didn’t mind having Boo around for a few more episodes.

Now this entry will be starkly void of any pictures, because most of my pictures come from Mario Lanza’s funny 115, and for some reason that still makes me cringe, Boo is nowhere to be found on the funny 115 (part 2).

Earlier today I recorded a podcast with fellow Survivor fan, David Johnson. We talked about the list for a while, and then we noticed an hour had gone by. When I mentioned that Boo was my next post, he said one thing,

“My favorite thing about Boo was the injury montage in episode 2.”

David was, of course, alluding to the series of shots where Boo hurt himself in ways such as putting an ax through his hand and laying in the hammock when it decides to not hang from that tree anymore:

I know this isn’t a great picture, but it was the best I could do. For some reason, wordpress won’t let me resize photos that are mine.

Anyway, this photo is of Boo in the process of falling from the hammock. As you can see, he is still laying on the hammock like normal, his brain has not yet told him that he is falling from the hammock.

Another point in the season when Boo hurts himself is during the immunity challenge in which the goal is to catch balls launched by your teammates in nets that you are holding. This, in true Survivor fashion, takes place in a huge mud pit. At one point, Boo takes a huge dive and hurts himself. The medics come out, and when he tries to stand up, you hear a huge pop. This is Boo’s knee popping back into place. Boo, being a macho man, gets up and begins playing again. This is hilarious and all Probst can say is “wow”.

The final moment I would like to stress is one that I almost forgot about until David Johnson reminded me about today in the podcast. Boo decides he is going to be smart, and makes a back path to the water well so he can spy on whoever is talking about him. Right when he is done explaining the reasons for the path, they cut to the tribe members back at camp talking about voting out Boo. Boo didn’t realize that people can talk about someone whenever that person isn’t there, it doesn’t have to be just at the water well.

Well, that is all for this entry. I think Boo is one of the more entertaining people to play Survivor, and I would love to see him back.

Thanks again for reading, please comment and follow the blog!

P.S. Thanks to David Johnson, I look forward to being on your podcast each week. I encourage all readers to check out his podcast. It is great fun.

Clue to #92: I HAVE NONE! I accidentally threw away my list that had the contestants ordered. I didn’t realize that I had done this until a few days later! I have to go through and reorder the list again.

100 Most Entertaining Survivors #94: Gary Hogeboom

Gary Hogeboom got 7th place in Survivor: Guatemala.

Gary Hogeboom was arguably the first famous person to ever play Survivor. This is because he was the quarterback of Dallas Cowboys for five years. (He also played for the Indianapolis Colts and the Phoenix Cardinals for a while.) Also, yes. He is so old that he played for the Cardinals when they were still the Phoenix Cardinals.

Some people would argue that being famous on Survivor would hurt someone. I mean, look at Jimmy Johnson.  But Gary Hogeboom wasn’t famous enough to be recognized by anyone but the biggest sports buff on the planet. Therefore, he hid his identity and called himself Gary Hawkins, a landscaper. Here begins the story of the ninety-fourth most entertaining Survivor in the history of the game.

For those of you who don’t remember, this is Gary Hogeboom. He received 7th place on Survivor: Guatemala.

Gary’s story would have been nothing of consequence if it hadn’t been for Danni Boatwright. If it hadn’t been for Danni Boatwright, Gary’s story would have ended on day one. He would have told us, the viewers, that he was actually Gary Hogeboom, and it would have been humorous, but no more funny than any single moment in Survivor history. But fortunately for us, Danni was there.

Danni Boatwright was a sportscaster in Kansas City. She immediately recognized Gary, but luckily for him, she was on the other team. Her team knew that Gary was a quarterback and Gary’s team thought he was a landscaper. It seemed like, for a while, this was how the game was going to go. But then there was the challenge that alerted Gary to the breach in his identity.

The challenge was a tug of war in the mud. The game was a complete deadlock, and Gary and Judd were fighting it out in a one-on-one battle. While Gary and Judd were fighting it out in the mud, Danni yelled the one thing that made Gary know that his plan wasn’t falling into place.

“C’mon! He is the quarterback, you are like the linebacker!”

All it took was that one sentence and Gary knew that his entire game was in jeopardy. From that point on, he had to mitigate the fact that he was actually famous quarterback, Gary Hogeboom.

When the tribes merged, he had to defend the fact that he was, in fact, Gary Hawkins.

Danni knew the truth, of course. But she eventually acquiesced. He ended up being voted out, not because of who he was, but because he was in the minority.

Gary didn’t only have one shining moment. He was also the first person to use one of Survivor’s most debated twists, the hidden immunity idol.

The story is set up like this: Judd has gotten a clue to the whereabouts of the hidden immunity idol. The clue said that the immunity idol was not on the ground. Judd decided to “help” all of his fellow players out and tell them “The clue is definitely by far on the ground.” The way in which he said this meant that almost assuredly he was lying.

Gary catches him, later that day, looking for an idol in the trees. It is incredibly funny as Judd does almost nothing to hide the fact that he is looking in the trees. Gary immediately has a confessional that makes Judd look like a complete idiot, and we all laugh.

There you have it. It isn’t the longest entry on this list. But Gary provided us with tons of entertainment that I will always remember.

And remember, he is NOT Gary Hogeboom. Yes he may look like him, yes he may be the same age, yes he may be Gary Hogeboom. But under NO CIRCUMSTANCES is this man actually Gary Hogeboom.

Thanks for reading, and please leave comments.

Jeff

Clue to #93: This guy had one of the most painful-sounding injuries in the history of the game.

100 Most Entertaining Survivors #95: David Murphy

There has been a request that I begin each blog with the season and placement of each person on the top 100. Therefore:

David Murphy got 12th on Redemption Island, season 22 of Survivor.

The reason I have added David on a list of the 100 most entertaining Survivors is mainly because he was so far ahead of the game on his Zapatera tribe.

Klien Wilhelm is a fellow Survivor fan. He is one of the first people I met when I came back into the Survivor game after a hiatus of a few years (see entry on Ian Rosenberger for that story). I always respect his opinion and he has provided some great insight in many of the facebook Survivor groups that I am a part of. When I asked him about David Murphy, he said the following:

“He was kind of a douche. He was one of those people who couldn’t respect that he got duped, but yes his jury question was entertaining”

It isn’t exactly the most raving review of a Survivor. However, the douchiness is exactly what makes someone like David entertaining. Klien and I do disagree, however. Klien says that he couldn’t respect that he got duped. I feel like his jury speech shows that he definitely respected that fact. But ah well, differences of opinion always emerge in Survivor, and this is no different. With no more to introduce, I present you with David Murphy.

For those of you who don’t remember, this is David Murphy, a 31 year old defense attorney from West Hollywood.

In the pre-game interviews, we found out that David had one of the highest IQ’s of anyone on the show… ever. This immediately spoke to me, as I have always wondered if smarter people have an advantage in the game of Survivor. I felt as if David Murphy had the biggest chance of winning among the non-returning players in Redemption Island. He was physical enough to win some challenges, but wasn’t seen as a huge physical threat. He could do puzzles, a huge advantage in Survivor challenges. And he was smart beyond all belief, with an IQ higher than any person in Survivor history. He was my early pick to win until I found that Rob and Russell were going to be on the show.

One of the main reasons that I liked David Murphy was because I could feel his frustration coming through on the screen. I felt as if I would have played the game in a similar way, and when he was talking to Zapatera on the beach when deciding to get rid of either Sarita or Stephanie. I felt like he was ahead of the game when it came to the first half of the show. I would have listened to him if I were on his tribe. I would never take him to the end. He is a dangerous player, and if he were given a bunch of sheep for an alliance, he could have taken them to the end much like Rob did this season. Unfortunately, he got some strong willed people on his side who didn’t share his views on how to play the game. It is unfortunate, I would have loved to see him make it far into the game and do some damage.

Another reason why I liked David was the “crazy eyes” as I began to call them. Whenever anyone on Zapatera would say anything stupid, which happened quite often of course, David Murphy wasted no time in giving them a look that said in no uncertain terms, “You have got to be kidding me. I hope for the sake of our species that you do not breed because you just might be the stupidest person I have ever met”. At least that is how interpreted the look. Here are a few examples for your enjoyment.

This one adds an air of “I’m dreaming right now. No one can possibly be that stupid.”

This one is “I can’t believe I just heard that. But I don’t want to make a face to make it too obvious that I am imagining you burning in hell right now.”

This one is a rare shot that was caught right in the interim between “I’m happy because someone I hate is going home tonight” and “I might shoot you for thinking that getting rid of that person is a good idea.” This facial transition is quite rare, and it is a great picture.

This is David thinking “How am I going to get to the end of this game with these freaking idiots?” Unfortunately, he didn’t make this face enough.

David Murphy could have been a Survivor legend. He was truly one of the academically smartest people to ever play the game. I hope that he gets invited back to a future season of Survivor so everyone can see the awesome that is David Murphy.

Thanks again for reading, and I hope that you all comment and let me know what you think and add suggestions. I do read every suggestion, and implement most of them/clarify misunderstandings. Please let me know what you think!

Thanks

Jeff

PS: If you have read the previous entry, you know that I am trying my damndest to get Survivors to comment and quote about things for the top 100 list. David has agreed to give me a quote, but hasn’t come up with exactly what he wants to say. Once he tells me, I will add it here without hesitation.

PPS: If you noticed on this blog, I added a fan quote about David. I am going to begin doing this from now on. I will try to get one fan quote per entry from here to the top 50 or so. From there I will get more quotes per page. If you would like to comment on a specific Survivor and would that comment to be added here, let me know via facebook, e-mail, or any other means really. I look forward to this new addition.

PPPS: JeffsSurvivorBlog hit 2,500 views this week! I know that this doesn’t seem like much, but for a beginning Survivor blogger, it seems like quite an accomplishment. I thank you all for the support and hope you will continue reading, commenting, and enjoying.

Clue to #94: This person was the first to capitalize on one of Survivors most surprising twists on one of the most underrated seasons.

100 Most Entertaining Survivors #96: Jeff Varner

From his sadistic confessionals to his overall demeanor, Jeff Varner earned his spot on my top 100. Had he made it past the top 10, he would probably be much, much higher.

Jeff Varner is probably deserving of a top 10 spot, but I have placed him here. Jeff himself asked me to make this comment only after he said,

“96? C’mon. I deserve a higher spot than that! lol I look forward to seeing the 95 other people you think were more entertaining. Thanks for the distinction. You were 7? I’m ancient.” -Jeff Varner

He also said “If 95 and higher are NOT more entertaining than me, I’m gonna give you crap, k?”.

Anyway, this blog now has the approval and support of the 96th most entertaining Survivor ever, Jeff Varner.

(I did mention to him that if it was a list of my top 100 favorite contestants, he would be much higher.)

For those of you who don’t remember, this is Jeff Varner, a 34 year old news anchor from Greensboro North Carolina.

This is the point in the entry where I talk about the bias that went into making this specific decision on the top 100. Well, this one shouldn’t be too hard. I was 7 when this season came out. When you are 7, it seems like a big deal when someone shares your name. That love of my namesake has stayed with me every time I watch this season.

One of the moments that I especially loved with Jeff was his confessional before one of the reward challenges. He discusses the joy he finds in watching the other tribe complain about how hungry they were and winning all of their food. After another, when his tribe expresses sympathy for the ailing Ogakor, he comments that he felt none and would chop their heads off if he could.

While the entertainment provided by Varner may be a paltry sum compared to today’s contestants on Survivor, at the time he was a huge villain. His sadism and personality were not oft seen on Survivor before him. Even Richard Hatch, a super villain in Survivor, didn’t have nearly the sadistic qualities that Jeff Varner possessed.

Jeff’s personality is also something worth noting. He was just a generally happy guy (sadistic, but happy). He had some hilarious lines and his sarcasm was unmatched on his tribe. His friendship with Alicia was perfect, as she invited his sarcasm and they fed off of each other. I think that had Jeff been invited back to All-Stars, the season would have been much better. If he had formed an alliance with Alicia, they might have been able to do some damage.

There you have it. It is not the longest entry on the top 100 list, but it is one that I firmly believe in and will advocate and defend until the cows come home.

Thanks

Jeff

PS: I have asked Jeff Varner to make a comment about his entry onto the top 100, if he does I will add it to the post. Keep checking back for that.

Clue to #95: This person had one of the highest IQ’s to ever be on Survivor. He also was the brains of his ever-frustrating alliance.

100 Most Entertaining Survivors #97: Crystal Cox

This entry is the first entry for a character that I can honestly say I didn’t like. It is also my proof that this is not a list of “Jeff’s favorite Survivors” but a true list of the most entertaining. Because, while I hated Crystal and wanted her to go home the entire season, I cannot deny her entertainment value.

For those of you who don’t remember, this is Crystal Cox, a 29 year old Olympic gold medal winner from Durham, North Carolina. She was the 13th person (6th place) voted out of Survivor: Gabon, the shows 17th season.

A theme in this blog has been the inherent bias in making a list like this. This entry is no different, however the bias has manifested itself in a different way this time. Because I hated Crystal so much, my entire goal of the season was to get rid of Crystal. This means that every episode I watched, I was able to simply say “I have a strategy, get rid of Crystal!” For me, that is entertainment. Whether or not I liked her, she kept me interested in her and in the season. While I didn’t like her, I was interested in her, and the season would have been much different without her.

Another reason that I thought Crystal was entertaining was her constant bickering with Randy. (Oh and believe me, you will see Randy a bit later on this list). In fact, if I were going to make a list of best rivalries, I would be willing to bet a pretty penny that Crystal vs. Randy would be in the top 10, maybe even the top 5. On one hand, you have Randy this crotchety old wedding cinematographer who hates marriage. On the other hand you have Crystal, an optimistic gold medal winner who can’t seem to run up a hill to save her life. Honestly, the producers couldn’t have written a better rivalry. What happened after the reward challenge in episode 6 was pure poetry, as everyone relished in Crystal’s tears. Okay, maybe that was just me. As a reminder, I have included some pictures:

Randy eating the delicious fruit pies. And enjoying them I might add

Crystal begins to cry. And how does the beloved Randy respond?

Wah, wah.

I’m sorry if you find this offensive. Actually, I’m not really sorry. Find a sense of humor, because that is funny stuff right there. I know that Crystal isn’t the sole reason for entertainment here, but she is definitely an integral factor and this summarizes her feud with Randy quite well.

And finally, we cannot leave without acknowledging what Mario Lanza, fellow survivor blogger and one of the most insightful people when it comes to the game, considers the 6th funniest moment in seasons 12-20. This moment has been building the entire season.

For 30 days, Randy has been taunting Crystal in ways much like I showed above. He makes fun of her, he laughs when she cries and he calls her names, my personal favorite being “Gigantor”. Then comes the day of his boot, made even sweeter by Bob’s fake hidden immunity idol. And if that wasn’t enough, we get one of the best moments in Survivor history.

This is Crystal yelling “YOU HAVE MADE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL SINCE DAY ONE! FORGET YOU! GO HOME! GOODBYE!”.

Now, if I were sitting in tribal council at this point, I wouldn’t have known who exactly she was voting for… oh wait…

This is not only one of the funniest moments in Survivor history, but also one of the most historic. Crystal is the first person to ever take advantage of the proximity of the voting booth to the rest of the tribal council. No one has ever cast a vote while yelling intentionally loud enough to let everyone hear her. Later, this strategy will be used by… well, the devil himself, Randy, during the final tribal council as he doesn’t necessarily want to vote for any of the three candidates for sole Survivor. This moment is really the epitome of Crystal and Randy’s relationship for 30 days. It sums it up so well, and while I was definitely on the Randy side of this whole rivalry, I do acknowledge the true poetry and beauty of this moment. It is poetic, it is justified, it is… just amazing. And it was provided by someone who I openly dislike… Crystal Cox.

There you have it. The first entry for someone I didn’t like. It was difficult, but by the end I began to actually grow an affection for Crystal…. oh wait…. no I didn’t. I still don’t like her, however, as I said at the beginning, I cannot ignore her entertainment value and ability to make me lobby so hard to get rid of someone in a Survivor season.

Thanks again for reading, please comment and let me know what you think!

Jeff

PS: Thank you very much to Mario Lanza, writer of the Funny 115 and the Funny 115 2.0. I stole all of the pictures and the gif off of his website (with his permission of course). I suggest you check his lists out. He put so much time and effort into them, that they deserve your view.

Clue to #96: This is the first entry from “first generation Survivor” (what I would consider seasons 1-8), and may come as a surprise to some people. However, his sadistic confessionals and overall demeanor landed a spot on the top 100.